How I arrived at this place

If you would have asked me, a year and a half ago, what I wanted to do "with the rest of my life" I would have probably given you a smile, shrugged, and said one of several "Safe" answers that I had come up with to deal with this question when it arose. Which was quite frequently. I would have then either quickly changed the subject, or else just avoided talking to you until a more safe subject came along. The truth was, I had a good idea of what I "wanted" for my life. But it was not something that I  usually felt comfortable with bringing up in casual conversation, because of the reaction I knew I would get from most people. I mean, what exactly would you say if a teen-age girl looked at you and said that what she wanted to do with her life was to be a missionary in a third world country? I got enough strange looks just telling people that I was going to Uganda for two months.  And besides, I wasn't sure...Not 100% anyway.  I knew that God had told me to go to Uganda, and I was hoping that He would tell me to stay. I trusted that once I got there, He would show me the next step. But most people didn't seem to understand this. I would tell them that I was walking by Faith, that I wasn't sure what the "next step" would be.... And they would give me a blank look, and then ask..... "Yes, but what are you going to do when you get back from Africa?"  At which point I would decide that the conversation was completely hopeless.  I got discouraged a time or two..... Because I knew in my heart that if I waited and listened that God would show me where to go.  I don't think that God hides His plan for us... But I do believe that He reveals His plans in His time, not ours. I knew that it would NOT work to tell people what I "wanted" to do with my life before God had revealed to me what HE wanted me to do with my life. I knew that whatever His plan was for me, it would be better than what I could come up with for myself. I wanted to make sure that what I wanted was the same as what God wanted for me.  So I would smile, and give a vague answer, and know that I was driving everyone (including my mom) completely crazy. All of these conversations took place time and time again leading up to the day I left for Africa. At which point I had nobody to argue with but myself. Which I did plenty of. It seemed that, the moment I left American soil, all the doubts I had from all of those conversations came crashing down.  I wondered what exactly I thought I was doing, traveling thousands of miles away from home just because I believed that that would be where God would show me the "next step". Couldn't He just let me know while I was in the comfort of my own home? It certainly would have been nice, in my mind, to know exactly what I was getting myself into, BEFORE I actually got myself into it. But, I was in Africa by that time and there was no going back, I just had to trust that God would indeed show me what in the world I was supposed to do. So I decided to just close my eyes and trust. Trust that God would NEVER leave me nor forsake me, and that as long as I was following Him, everything would work out for my good and His glory. One morning, about two weeks after I arrived in Uganda, I received my "answer". And it was one that I did. NOT. Expect. At all.  It didn't come the way I expected either. It came in the form of a facebook message. From a young man who I had only accepted a friend request from because I knew his mother from when I was a little girl. You might be wondering, at this point, what in the world was in that message that I would have such a strong reaction too.... If I knew I would tell you. The only thing John Paul said in the message was that he was interested in what I was doing in Uganda and would like to get to know me better. That was it. But that message, coming when it did, was the "answer" that I had been looking for. I remember that morning quite well. I had gotten up early (6ish) to eat breakfast and catch up on facebook and my email before I started the day. I remember opening facebook, seeing that message, and sitting and staring at the screen for a good 10 or 15 minutes. My very first thought was "God wants me to marry this guy." Followed by several minutes of sheer panic, which was followed quickly by "I'm just over-reacting. I'm going to close the computer now, and pretend that I did not see anything." Needless to say, it didn't work. So later that day, I wrote an email to my dad. Without going into details with him, I asked what he thought of this message from John Paul, and what he thought about me messaging John Paul on facebook for awhile and getting to know him better. Unfortunately, my dad had just gone out of town for work, so it would be three looooonnngg days before he sent me a reply.  I used that time to try and calm down a little.... And spend LOTS of time in prayer and reading my bible. I wanted to reply to John Paul, but I was determined not to message him back until I was sure of the reasons why I was doing so.  My thoughts kept going back and forth between thinking that I was seriously over-reacting to this whole thing, and a continued nagging in the back of my mind that this was going to be the guy that I would marry and spend the rest of my life with. The second thought completely freaked me out, since I didn't know John Paul at all. I didn't want to question God's plan for me, if this was indeed His plan but..... Really??  It didn't help matters that whenever I flipped open my bible, it would open to a passage about husbands and wives, or marriage and family. Eventually, my dad emailed me back and said that he trusted my judgement about talking to John Paul on facebook until we had a chance to meet him in person. For the remaining six weeks that I was in Africa, I messaged John Paul whenever I got a chance.  I managed to push the "marriage" idea into the back of my mind for awhile, as I spent the rest of the time in Africa in a small village with no running water and only occasional electricity.  I through myself into my life in Africa, knowing that eventually I would have to return home to the American world, and leave the children that I was falling in love with and that small corner of the world where I felt so much at peace.  I won't try to describe my emotions the day I left Africa, because I'm not sure that I could explain exactly what I was feeling that day.  After I returned home, and was over-run with excited parents and siblings who refused to let me out of their sight for the next several weeks, I begin to slowly settle back into my life. Which meant that the "questions" resumed.  From everyone I met. "Would you want to go back to Africa now?" "Where are you going to college?"  "You ARE going to college, aren't you?" "What are your plans..... For the summer/ next year/ the next 5 years....." And so on and so forth. And I found myself in a rather odd predicament. I met John Paul a couple weeks after I got home, (although he had already met the rest of my family while I was in Africa) and was getting more and more certain that this was indeed God's plan that He was revealing to me.  Which made for an awkward few weeks, as I completely ignored any sort of questions people would ask me about the future. I was pretty sure at that point that I would not be returning to Africa anytime soon, which I had mixed emotions about, as images and faces that I had left behind continuously flashed through my mind.  I decided pretty quickly that acting uncertain of my future, when I finally knew for sure what God's plan for me was, was NOT something that I wanted to do. Evidently John Paul had the same idea, and we got engaged 7 weeks after I got back from Africa.  Three months later we were married. When I went to Africa, I was ready to say "Yes".  But what I thought I would be saying yes to and what I actually said yes to turned out to be completely different things.  But it turned out that what I said "Yes" to was what I really wanted more than anything. Because God's plan is ALWAYS better than mine. I can't even imagine life without John Paul, and I am SO ready to meet our baby.  I still miss Africa.  And yes, if the opportunity arose to go back to Uganda with my family, and I believed that God was leading me, I would go.  But for now, I rest in the knowledge that I am exactly where God wants me. As a wife and mother.  And there is NOTHING better in this world than knowing that you are in the center of God's will for your life. Evan if it is not where you expected it to be.

A Return to Blogging

I wanted to make a return to the blog world..... But was not sure how after being absent for over a year. In the end, I decided to just jump back in. This last year has been crazy, but in a good way.  After returning from Uganda a year ago I met and married the Man of my dreams (that deserves its own post) and now am only a couple weeks away from meeting our 1st baby. I originally began this blog to keep friends and family updated about my trip to Uganda, but now I think it will mostly just be a journal of everyday adventures as I continue to Seek His Kingdom in this season of my life, where the Lord has planted me.